Tuesday, January 10, 2006

My bedtime is ever fluctuating.
At times I am so tired at 10pm that I can crash out and sleep for at least 10 hours if the morning schedule allows me to do so. Other nights, when sleep eludes me until the wee hours of the morning, my mind is restless and I will busy myself visa vi: reading, surfing, watching the idiot box or simply tossing and turning in bed working imaginary conversations and situations over in my head. Whew. It sounds so exhausting to actually go through the routine out loud. Surely I am not alone; in comparison to an insomniacs troubles I might as well take my complaints and hit the road. It's just lately, the time before I sleep seems to be the time when my mind has the chance to slow down enough to address the real things going on in my life.
This scares me. And there is, apparently, no way to stop a brain once it gets going. One can try to lead it away when something... umm... ugly... comes up, but one way or another, the brain will bring you right back to that ugly something. And it's always (for me anyways) the last thing I end up thinking, dreaming, and imagining about right before I truly fall asleep. I think my brain is trying to, like, force some kind of psychological therapy upon me right now. Right at this pinnacle moment in my life (okay, maybe not pinnacle, but at least important) and my brain seems to be forcing me to confront things that I don't want to confront, haven't confronted and really don't want to confront now--right now. Right now being 11:23 pm. Always before bed.
I guess the brain really is in charge. From now on I will trust the stream of bedtime consciousness, not fight it. There must be some kind of plan at work here...
Numerology. A simple science of numbers. I was up late the other night (surprise, surprise) and at about 2am a woman came onto CFUN 1410am who had been practicing numerology for almost 20 years. She talked about how everyone has a life path and attitude number that can be figured out by doing simple equations using the numbers in a birth date. She did a few readings on call-in-listeners, and to me, she seemed to be fairly accurate. At the end of the show (and, yes, I did listen to the whole half-hour show) she gave her website and the name her book. I fell asleep that night thinking of numerology, and how maybe understanding my own numbers and the numbers of those around me, might help me as I deal with certain ugly things in my life.

Check out "The Numbers Lady's" website and figure out your lifepath and attitude numbers:


I am a 3-life path and an 8 attitude. I checked a few of my close friends and family members numbers and was amazed how accurate most of it was. Maybe something simple like this is just what a need to kick me in the ass as I cruise down this path... to help me know where the potholes, speed bumps and radar traps might pop up.

Late night pondering leads to erratic sleep habits and interesting motivations. Eye for an eye.

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